That statement, or idea, might seem too simple on paper, but give me a few minutes to explain what I mean. Then you can go ahead and poo-poo it if it still doesn’t fit.
Think of that feeling when you’re stuck. Like you’re not making progress, not even a little bit. Or worse, you feel completely out of control. Your mind starts drifting into places it has no business being, and before you know it, you’ve become consumed by someone else’s foolishness.
OK, I’ll give you an example of my own.
I planned to edit a key chapter. Or maybe it was a blog post, or a note, even. I’d already prepped everything the day before, so there was really no excuse not to get stuck in right after work.
Then something happened. Aka Foolishness.
Something important bubbled up at work. Important enough to, well… piss you off a little more than it probably should. So now, instead of finishing my work, my writing, I’m replaying conversations in my head. I’m wondering why someone thought they could respond the way they did and expected me not to react the way I did. And yeah… I’m working on dialing my ‘Irene-isms’ down as well. Trust me, it’s a process. But before long, here I go, getting caught up in office politics. Now, after arguing with myself, I’m sitting there, sulking even… over things that I know quite literally won’t matter to anyone else as much the next day, let alone next week.
The frustrating part is that the situation was important in the moment. I’m not pretending otherwise. But too often we get stuck there, replaying it over and over, thinking of better comebacks. Mind you, mine are usually pretty good, but still, we’re overthinking it. Stuck. When what we really need to do is what the old saying tells us.
Easy to say. Much harder to live. But trust me, I won’t stop practicing.
When The Small (Stupid) Stuff Gets Too Big
What I’m learning instead is to build myself a bigger world.
Sounds a bit lofty, doesn’t it? Yep, it does, because it is, and that’s OK.
What I mean is this is to always give yourself something meaningful to work towards. Something that genuinely excites you. Something that stretches beyond tomorrow or next month. It doesn’t have to be some elite, color-coded with glittery-stickers, ten-year plan on how to dominate Google. Calm ya tits!
It just needs to be a vision that’s bigger than today’s frustrating bullshit.
Build Something Bigger Than The Bullshit
And what happens when you do? Well, here’s where the magic kicks in aka, your attention starts returning to the things that actually matter to you.
You and only you. Because who else, Boo?
Remember, this is our second chapter. Better chapter, if we’re locked in and lucky. At this stage (Big Age) of life, we should know that most frustrations come with an expiry date. That work annoyance will eventually resolve itself one way or another. That misunderstanding with a friend gets talked through, apologies flow like wine if you’re true friends, and before long you’re both back to cussing out the real person who caused the problem.
So the things that once completely consumed us slowly begin to shrink back down to their proper size or get shoved back into the box of “I don’t give a fickerty-fuck”.
True friendships aside, we need to learn to drop the small stuff much sooner, if we in fact need to pick it up to begin with. Not because it isn’t real, but because once we place it inside our bigger picture, we realize it was never meant to steal the show. Hell, it shouldn’t have even made the first cut.
We shift our focus from reacting to everything around us and back to creating our own thing. We stop obsessing over what everyone else is doing, or not doing, and get back to building what matters to us.
Time To Stop Living In Everyone Else’s World
Maybe that’s why some people seem so unbothered while the rest of us are getting all riled up. It’s not that they don’t care, they’re just too busy building something bigger to give it the same amount of attention. If the little things keep stealing your attention, maybe the answer isn’t pretending they don’t exist. Maybe it’s simply reevaluating where they truly belong. Is this worth stressing over? Can I fix it? Do I even want to fix it? Will this matter next week? Next month? Next year?
Sometimes the answer is yes. But based on personal experience, if I had to put an imaginary percentage on it, I’d say 95% of the time… they aren’t.
I learnt this far later than I wish I had. But I’m still learning, and just because I’m late to the lesson-party, doesn’t mean it’s not worth sharing. In fact, it’s exactly why I’m writing this now. I’m trying to remind myself as much as anyone else reading it.
Unlike Luke Skywalker’s daddy, we don’t get to control other people.
What we can control is whether we keep building something for us that’s bigger than today’s frustration.
- Our writing (and other creative art forms).
- Our new business.
- Our friendships.
- Our health (within reason, of course).
- Our next adventures. Actually… adventures. Plural.
Whatever that bigger world looks like for you… that’s it!
Because once your own world becomes big enough, it will consume you in the best possible way, and you’ll stop wanting to live in everybody else’s.
