The very last time.
Because it’s been 50–11 times now, so really, really… this is the last time.
I love not only thinking about growth, but also actually growing. It’s not, nor will it ever be a perfectly straight path, but in my Big Age, the path is less curvy, less wobbly, and less riddled with self-inflicted obstacles.
Paid to Learn, Paid to Leave
“Lessons learned” at work is one thing. There’s more clarity there. You’ll do better with the time, budget, scope creep foolishness, or switch out the drama queen who contributed to the downfall. Simple.
And believe me, I know there are those projects that will absolutely test your gangster. And require you needing ten happy hours and multiple side group chats, just to offload that level of pissed-off-ness. But most of the time you… didn’t get hurt permanently.
Unlike with the other category. The non I’m-getting-a-paycheck-to-deal-with-all-this, type situation.
The Great Pretender
Because when we collectively say we’ve “learned our lesson”, and I’ll make a huge leap here, it sounds and feels right and responsible. Like we survived something hard. Evolved even, and so earned an imaginary gold star or quiet good-human upgrade.
But, speaking for me, so no leap needed, most of the time I didn’t learn shit. I just got burned. And with each burn, the most I would do was to side-step the flames. Not properly addressing it and actually turning it off.
But as the saying goes: With age comes wisdom. When you know better, you do better.
And occasionally: Punks jump up to get beat down.
Because at some point, the lesson has to land. And when it does? Baby… there’s no going back!
So “learning the lesson” slowly shape-shifts into:
Your senses engage faster, so you recognize the “lesson” sooner. Your tolerance gets lower than a tricked-out basement in hell. So while the situations or people might be different, the nonsense stinks the same.
When you really look at it, and actually face the “lesson” head-on, you stop negotiating with it. Your mask drops. You get more comfortable in that discomfort of acting differently. That action can be loud, soft, or entirely silent. But it’s clear: gone. Poof. Not available. Not returning.
To See or Not to See (Cringe, I know)
But I’m choosing to see the “lesson”, as:
- “what am I going to do?”
- “what do I need?”
- “how do I make this work for me?”
- “how quickly do I see what this actually is?”
Not because the situation (person/people) changed, but because I did. You did.
Because, circling back, at some point, it clicks… it lands.
Hard Note to Self
You can never, ever, ever, ever, change people. Read that again.
You can only change how quickly you stop lying to yourself about who they’ve already shown you they are.
That’s the lesson—the ongoing work, Luvs. Yeah, I know… more work. #Sigh.
But then the goalposts move. It’s no longer about forcing things to work. You’re not here to fix it, prove it, or outlast it. You’re here to recognize it and act accordingly. And swiftly… the first and last time.
