And Why I Quit Trying.
I used to foolishly believe that if I could just clear my to-do list, I’d finally feel caught up. But I was only clearing it up to make space for the next stack of to-dos, and the next and the next.
Another work email to answer, another post to write, another idea I swore I’d get to once “things slowed down.” The older I get, the bigger the backlog seems to fill up, in all things.
Half-written blog drafts. Unread books. Old voice memos with “brilliant ideas” I’d never started. And the work and family stuff is too mammoth to even mention. The lists, plural, are and will always be endless.
What’s a better word than effingbloodyexhausting?
The cultural con job of “catching up”
Somewhere along the way, “catching up” stopped being seen as a short-term goal, and I tragically realized it was a permanent state. Even hearing from my friends it’s literally how we all talk about everything:
“I just need to catch up on some emails.”
“I’ll start after I catch up on this project.”
“I need to catch up on my writing.”
I… I… I….
Then here’s your inner monologue on repeat with “You’re behind. You’re falling behind. Catch up before it’s too late!”
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
And in your creative space, the things you actually really want to do, damn, it’s even louder. So why won’t, or can’t, we see that catching up is a myth?
The catch-up goalpost is as fluid and bendy as your waistband and legs after a bottomless brunch, and nowhere near as fun. It’s permanently there, fulfilling its life’s purpose of always shifting but never leaving. So trying to catch it, and rally your “Phew! I’m finally done,” just makes it laugh at you harder.
Living in that mindset, especially in our Big Age, when your energy, focus, and priorities still keep shifting, I’m convinced is the Usain-Bolt-fastest way to burn out.
My “A-HA!” moments
For me, when I kept seeing the same things coming up over and over, only with different dates or people, I realized it’s never about catching up, only clearing the path for the next stack of things. If my to-do list is really done, then that means there’s nothing left to do. And while that sounds peachy on the surface when I’m thinking of the boring chore-type stuff, it didn’t sit right with me when thinking of all the other things I still was eager and excited to do.
There’s no real finish line, except the ultimate one, and I’m not trying to be morbid, I promise.
Practical shifts that keep helping me when I get stuck
And nope, I didn’t get here by magic or any kind of witchcraft. I got here by changing how I think and work… constantly… as in:
- Stop measuring yourself against an imaginary version of you. You know, the one who finishes everything, never forgets a deadline, or misses an event. Miss ‘On-Top-Of-Her-Game-Always’. The bitch ain’t real, so stop trying to become her.
- Name what actually matters this season. Not the whole year. Not forever. Just now. And you can define “now” however you want.
- Build in space for unfinished work. I used to believe everything had to be done before I could really rest. Now I think nothing of closing my laptop mid-project or task. I’ll write my to-dos so I don’t forget when I pick it back up later. Truth be told, more times than not, it’s better for it.
- Let go of the guilt backlog. Those half-done or not-started jobs from 2019, if they still matter, I’ll find a place for them and bring them back. If not, they’re gone from my memory permanently.
- Keep telling yourself: it’s not too late. Because it isn’t. For the trip, the book, the degree, the venture… the “thing” you’ve been telling yourself you missed your chance at. You didn’t. It might not be exactly the same, but why does it have to be?
What I found when I quit the ‘Catch-Up Olympics’
That nothing’s ever gonna be perfect and something will always be waiting for me to get it done. I complete one, then ten more are added, and that is the nature of the game. Those are the never-ending rules. Would I have loved to have started certain things sooner? Heck yes! But then maybe I wouldn’t have had the clarity, the voice, or the life experience I have now. I’ll never win at the Catch-Up Olympics, but because I’m still in the game, I’m slowly learning to play it differently.
You don’t need to earn the right to start. You can start now, in the messy-middle of all those to-dos and must-dos that will always be there. The point isn’t about catching up, but about showing up.
