Two Moscow Mules, a Prosecco, and a deep conversation about something we all struggle with from time to time—managing our emotions, especially when other people, situations, or life itself unintentionally trigger them. One friend shared that she’d been trying to stay calm, respond better, not let things get to her—but sometimes, it just felt impossible.
Think: “I know I’m being triggered, but I can’t seem to stop reacting. I don’t have control over it.”
I’ve one hundred percent been there. Many times. Maybe, like me, you don’t yell or scream out loud—it’s more internal—but either way, you feel it. You’re not overreacting, being dramatic or ‘in your feels’, it’s real and at times your entire body can feel like it’s in fight-or-flight, and you’re just trying to survive it.
Speaking to a professional is truly the number one option, but that’s not always convenient or immediate. So, we chatted about other simple, readily available tools—ones we’d either tried ourselves or heard had helped. They could at least be a good starting point to help build a buffer between feeling and immediately reacting, often in the negative, and that’s more harmful to us.
Things like:
- stepping away from the thing for a moment (or a long time)
- taking a drive (in silence or with music blasting)
- calling/texting a friend (all cussing will be welcomed)
- taking a shower and screaming into hot water, if that’s what it takes. (There’s something surprisingly cathartic about water absorbing your chaos.)
My friend also mentioned journaling, saying it helped sometimes—but she often didn’t feel like she was “doing it right.” That she didn’t always know what to say and how to structure her words when processing these spiraling situations.
Insert scrunched foreheads from the two of us, and then unanimous versions of—there is no right or wrong way to journal. Journaling messy is a real thing.
Messy journaling isn’t just a thing—it’s serious mental relief.
Messy journaling is not the kind with neat handwriting, cute doodles in the page corners, the need for a set of colorful pens woven into perfect sentences, or any profound takeaways. Messy journaling is pure release. It’s dumping everything out of your head—or your mouth—exactly as it is—unfiltered, unedited, unorganized. It can be sweet, shocking, shameful or downright savage. All thoughts are welcome to be spilled in this emotional decluttering.
At first, she looked confused. Then curious.
So, we went on explaining that messy journaling isn’t about creating something beautiful—it’s about getting it all out. You open a blank page and just go. Scribble. Ramble. Rant. Swear if you need to. Write halfway through a sentence, skip punctuation, abandon grammar entirely. It doesn’t need to make sense. It just needs to move out of your body and onto the page.
If something is heavy or confusing, journaling like this lets you see it, instead of carrying it. You can revisit it later and pull insights from the chaos—or you can leave it there and move the hell on. Either way, it’s a transfer of energy. It’s your mind saying, ‘Here. You hold this for a while, ’cause I can’t.’
Messy journaling doesn’t have to be reflective
I mean it can be, but it’s not the main point. This is more immediate—raw, reactive, and honest. Forget about control; it’s about release.
And honestly, after that conversation, I realized I might start messy journaling more often myself. Especially in this autumn season. I usually stick to my usual style—writing about what happened in my day, what went well or didn’t—but the thought of just spilling out whatever I needed to… to write the chaos instead of narrating it neatly (well… neater), sounded pretty enticing.
No physical or fancy book needed
And if pen-to-paper journaling isn’t your thing, that’s fine. How about voice notes? Talk to yourself in the mirror. Get it out loud and messy. Speak it fast, slow, whatever comes up—just make sure it gets out of your head.
Messy journaling isn’t a hobby. It’s more self-care. Because when we get emotionally flooded, that dam is gonna burst one way or another. So better to catch it and not let it run too wild, or run you down.
So, the next time your emotions feel too big, don’t try to hold them all in or dress them up neatly for a journal or diary page.
