“Big Age” is a funny term I heard from many sources, definitely not one I made up myself, but I’ll definitely keep using. But people throw it around as if it’s a milestone you suddenly wake up to. Like, congratulations, you’ve hit an age—a Big Age—where society expects you to have it all figured out. Career, relationships, money, personal growth—the whole checklist. And yet, here you are, still figuring things out, still wondering if you’re aligned with the life you’re living, especially in this second chapter of ours. Most of us still are, and don’t panic, that’s really not a bad thing.
Being in your “Big Age” isn’t about having everything set, locked-down perfect, and running on repeat. It’s about asking yourself whether the way you live today reflects the person you’ve grown into, and are still, hopefully, growing into. We’re not done yet.
Are you aligned with your values? With your priorities? With the vision, no matter how shaky, you hold for your second chapter? Alignment also doesn’t mean everything’s gonna be smooth or certain. I’m taking it to mean we’re choosing the things that matter most, even when they come with imperfection, some discomfort, or even a little risk.
Think about it another way: at different stages in life, we chase different things. In our early years, it might be stability, proving ourselves, or checking off boxes to meet real, and made-up, expectations. We measure our personal success by job titles, degrees, or who seems “ahead.” But as you grow, those definitions shift. Maybe it’s less about titles and more about peace. Less about status and more about freedom. Less about doing what looks good on paper and more about doing what feels right in your skin. That’s the gift of being at your “Big Age,” that we’ve lived enough to know what doesn’t fit, and fingers, toes and everything crossed, are moving toward being brave enough to realign.
Now for the gut punch. Alignment takes some honesty. You can’t ignore the areas where you’re off-track and expect things to magically improve. Sometimes it means acknowledging a job that no longer fits you (money needed to exist aside, of course). A relationship you now see clearly is one-sided, or a routine that drains you more than it supports you.
Maybe it’s as simple as realizing your current pace needs to slow the heck down or speed all the way up to move past a dragging situation. And for those lucky ones, it’s choosing to celebrate the alignment you already have. Taking many moments to recognize the great space you’re in, instead of zooming past your win and constantly chasing more.
One of the outright lies of “Big Age” is that there’s this universal timeline and we’re all on it, at one mark or another. And like I mentioned before, with society constantly selling us the idea that by a certain milestone age, we should have checked off certain boxes: career established, long-term partner secured, family decisions made, house bought (maybe paid off), finances sorted—including a hefty retirement. And if you’re not there, well then, you’re shamefully “behind.” Need to figure out your “catch-up” and quickly, because… I mean… what will people think? Let them think whatever the hell they like. It’s all made up anyway.
Your timeline is your own.
It’s the space between birth and the end. And you fill it, change it, correct it, get better at it, fall backward a bit, and keep going. The one-size-fits-all universal timeline doesn’t exist. It can’t. And I’m now constantly telling myself that. The sooner I lock that into my head, the better. Your “Big Age” doesn’t mean you’re late; it means you’re alive, Luv. And being alive means you still have the ability to adjust the course, even a little, no matter when you start.
Alignment is deeply personal. For one person, it might mean staying rooted in a city close to family and friends. For another, it might mean packing up and starting fresh somewhere new… and maybe for the second, third, or fourth time. Or it’s building a business… your ‘thing’. Creating real space for your interests and passions outside of the 9-to-5 (insert: chuckling at this fake and far too short work time) that’s still paying those nasty bills. The key isn’t what the alignment looks like. It’s whether it’s doable and because it feels true to you.
And just as nothing else in life stays the same, alignment evolves too. What felt aligned five years ago may not feel that way at all now. But that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’ve grown. Unlike those key friendships, alignment isn’t something you “lock in” once and happily keep forever. It’s something you return to, over and over, as you change.
So how do you check in with yourself?
Start by asking:
- Does my daily routine reflect the life I say I want?
- Do my relationships give me energy, or snatch it away?
- Am I proud of how I spend my time, or do I constantly wish it were different?
- If nothing changed in the next five years, would I be satisfied, restless, or wanting to street fight everyone?
These questions don’t always lead to immediate answers, but they point you toward areas that may need adjustment. Alignment rarely happens in one big dramatic leap and then boom, done, all aligned. It’s more likely the result of small course corrections. One step forward, ten steps back, and three more to the left. Like you’re at a fantastic event and suddenly everyone hits the floor for the latest line dance. They’re moving in sync, yet you look like you’ve just had hip replacement surgery and it hasn’t healed.
Don’t panic. Keep dancing.
Know that there’s always more time left until there isn’t. So roll with the alignment flow, don’t fight it, and definitely don’t give up. Take stock of where you are. Map out, very roughly, where you’d like to go or be, and make small and constant changes in that direction.
And remember, if you’re aligned, celebrate it. Pause and give yourself credit. And if you’re not aligned, take it as a gentle reminder that you still have the power to realign.
For me, I’m getting there. It’s about being honest, intentional, and willing and brave enough to shift when your soul asks you to. This stage, this exact moment, is just as important as where you’re headed next.
