We do. I promise you we do. I know at times when I’ve heard the word ‘gift’ in relation to a person, I’m envisioning two wild ends of the spectrum. Either someone so loud and obvious, like a mega star, think of the names of some favorites. The A-list types with the one-off voices, and albums you own multiple copies of, and would buy again and again. Or, for those with deeper pockets than mine, the conversation pieces from award-winning artists recognized by national galleries. Or on the other end, a child who’s a huge step ahead of their peers because, at the age of 2, they can double-tie their own shoelaces unlike their booger-eating playmates.
‘Gift’ felt almost like an adornment, beyond a person’s control; so, while you might think you’re good or decent at something, you’d laugh at yourself for daring to call it a gift. It might not come with fireworks, public recognition (yet), and you may never go viral, but that, my friend, is exactly what it is. You, I, we’re all good, talented even in at least one thing, and that is our gift. Learning how to see your unique gifts clearly is one of the hardest things, because they can feel too small or too “everyday” to even notice.
I’m not a famous published author (and yes, I’m going to say yet many times, speaking it into the universe and all that), but when you love to do something, you never tire of it. As I go through life stuff, some of it sticks with me, enough to write about and sometimes share with the folks who lived it with me. The feedback’s always good, with them saying how much they enjoyed the way I captured those moments. So, embrace it fully, suck it all the way up, Irene, as that is your gift.
Cue the “Bitch, you ain’t all that!” shade-wearing, and throwing, crowd that also lives in my brain, and I’m sure in the real world, too. And facts, I’m not all that. None of us are. But just because your gift doesn’t perfectly align with someone else’s vision or taste doesn’t poo-poo it in any way. No one gets to shit on your gift. Every day, we dismiss someone’s gift, not intentionally, as that’s just pure evil, but we do. I’ll own it.
I’ve read bestseller books, peeped prized runway collections, gone to visit art pieces that had me scrunching my face so hard I’m surprised the wrinkles didn’t stick, because I didn’t like it. Not only did I not like it, I didn’t get it.
Didn’t understand who would or how it even came to be. Yet, wait 24 hours and hear all manner of mixed reviews, some matching my ‘yeah, I don’t get it either’, to the ‘I can’t believe how good it is, I just love it’. And then the sales numbers hit and they’ve made tens upon tens of millions. You don’t need to like it to respect it, or maybe even appreciate that others will. What someone shares with the world is their gift.
Think about when you’ve received genuine praise of your gift. Repeat requests for you to do it again, or out of nowhere, people use your gift as part of your introduction, like it’s tied to your name. That is your gift. Do you get a teeny bit embarrassed when someone wants to share what you created? You’re thinking it was just this silly thing you put together. Now you’re really thinking, damn, this new person is gonna get a hold of your work and be like, “Err, what’s this utter rubbish?” They won’t. Because it’s good. Again, it’s your gift.
I’m good enough to spot when something I’ve written actually works, and when it’s a hot arse mess, it scares even me. I’ll get grammar and spelling wrong all-the-live-long-day. Do I intermingle British and American spelling? Yup. Assault sentence structure? Oh, most definitely, we practically street fight. Unless it’s in some professional (work) capacity, I often write as I speak. So me continuously practicing to get better is just part of it.
We all have something that feels right. That comes naturally out of us, or tenaciously calls us back. Sure, we all get that solid confirmation and a sense of real validation from people who don’t know or love us on our gifts, the thing is we don’t need all the cheers and applause for them to be real to us.
Is it lovely when that 3-year-old pauses eating their boogers, to say your thing is ‘nice!’, yes. Is it even nicer when someone in your ‘gift’ field or field-adjacent compliments you? Hell, yes. But not having the brag-worthy likes from a 2-million-follower count or rounds of standing ovations closing out a packed stadium or concert hall could never discount your gift. If it brings you joy, makes you lose track of time, or helps you feel like yourself, then it counts. Can you turn it into something more than what you have now? Then do it.
Here’s what took me too long to learn: Gifts aren’t always flashy.
They’re often quiet, useful, and deeply personal. This might upset some, but your gift might not be exactly what you even wished it was. That’s okay. You can get better at things, but forcing it might not bring you what you hoped. If it is the absolute thing you enjoy, you’re allowed to claim it without being the very best at it. But still practice, practice, oh, and practice. That’s the quieter side of how to see your unique gifts clearly. Noticing what brings you life without needing the applause.
Flashback to my younger days for a moment
And to me coming home with my yellow report book with a crisp D, or was it an E I got in Art. Anyone who knows me knows I have big messy handwriting. As a kid, the creations I dragged home looked like I’d made them in a rainstorm, with my feet, that were wrapped in bandages. My mother (RIP Mum), a no-nonsense, Boomer, Ghanaian, Christian woman (and a nurse, if you know, you know), demanded top marks in everything from my sister and me. Because in her words, ‘I didn’t come to a colder country for you two to be parading any C’s around with pride’.
It gets worse…
On that particular day, after she’d flipped through the far better school marks, nodding in approval as she went along, she didn’t even flinch at the sub-par letter next to ‘Art’. She simply glanced at it, shrugged, and said, “Oh, that’s right. You can’t draw.” We both laughed, hers longer and disrespectfully deeper than mine, and that was that. Then my mum went right back to reading the Littlewoods catalog. And before any Gen Z and Gen Alpha’s pipe up with ‘emotional damage’, just know Boomer parents hit different. You’ll never have to understand it in the same way we did, and you’re welcome.
I still crack up at my mum’s comment to this day as I get what she truly meant, even though the words she used were hella unnecessary. But she never let me use that as a way out of trying. While we both knew I couldn’t draw, paint, or sketch, she knew and encouraged my creativity in other ways.
Your gift doesn’t need to be a traditional talent either. It could be the way you listen to others. The way you notice and connect with people. Manage conflict or build things others wouldn’t even attempt. These are your unique gifts, too.
Still not sure what yours is? Ask yourself:
- What do people constantly come to me for?
- e.g., career advice, relationship help, can come up with 10 wild ideas on the spot, your organizational skills could be magazine worthy, pull together delicious meals with bare-bones ingredients and no recipe, can physically building something… anything. Writing that job-getting resume, writing something meaningful, poetic or funny. Plan those fire trips abroad, craft enticing restaurant reviews… I could go on and on.
- What do I do that energizes me even when it’s hard?
- What do I love enough to do alone, even if no one ever sees it?
That’s your gift talking. Listen closely.
And if you’re unsure whether you’re even really good at it? Start small. Share a piece. Test it in the real world and get a little feedback. The beauty of gifts is that they grow. They get sharper when used and will never look like anyone else’s to be powerful. So while I don’t have an agent, haven’t launched my book, or gone through rounds of tearful edits, I still know it’s my gift. One of them, anyway. And I’m gonna honor it every time I show up and write.
Whatever your gift is, it doesn’t need to be validated by anyone else but you to be real. But, and I say this with much love, you really should share it.
