The Key to Knowing What Others Really Value…

So You Can Act Accordingly

Honest mistakes aside. Way, waaay, over to the side. If someone said to you “I’ll text you back” four weeks ago and never did… they didn’t forget. They chose something else. If they’re too “busy” for a five-minute check-in, that’s a clear decision they’ve made. And yeah, it feels personal, because it is. At any age but especially ours, here’s where to stop internalizing it as a flaw in your character, your worth, or ability to maintain relationships. It’s not you.

When I miss a call or text from any of my peeps, and it happens often because … well, life and no one’s perfect, a brief panic rises in me. Whether it’s guilt for letting them down or fear that I’ve missed them in their time of need. If I don’t have time for a long conversation, at a minimum, I’ll shoot them a quick text to confirm they’re at least ok. When they respond (because they always do), then we’ll make quick plans for a better time that we can connect. It’s not hard. The one-too-many times you’ve gone through this, and with the usual suspects, where they seem to disappear on you, then reappear with a need of their own. When that uncomfortable feeling creeps back and those thoughts start flooding in, it’s time to call the distance and their absence exactly what it is: a pattern of choices.

Priorities aren’t divine whispers from the universe. They’re actions-choices. They show up in where people spend their time, energy, care, and money. If you’re not on their list, it doesn’t mean you’re not valuable, it just means you are not a priority to them. And staying stuck not accepting that awareness by overthinking the situation or trying to decode what their lack or response could have meant can quietly wreck your own forward motion.

The Toll It Takes on You and Your Progress

When you’re trying to build something, especially a passion project or a full-blown business, your energy is sacred. Distractions don’t always look like mindless scrolling or binge watching a recommended series. Sometimes, they look like you:

• Waiting on a response you probably won’t get.
• Giving energy to people who don’t reciprocate.
• Replaying conversations, wondering if you said too much or not enough.
• Losing hours in your day because your mind is busy nursing a subtle disappointment.

All of which are momentum thieves. Chipping away at your clarity and capacity and snatching the emotional fuel you need to move on your ideas or ‘thing’. Did you finish writing that piece of content? Contact the vendor, supplier or mentor like you said, or did you push it off?  

And the worst part? Not only are you mad in that moment at yourself. If it goes unchecked, they can make you bitter and distrustful of others. Maybe more cautious in ways that you unknowingly block the next opportunity. Second-guessing is a one hell of a bitch.

This Isn’t Just Personal. It’s Intentional.

Looking for reciprocity from a toddler is tomfoolery. You can call them a thousand times but the ghosting is next level. You are their servant and that’s that. And mature flaky friends and emotionally unavailable family don’t have exclusive rights to letting you down, either, but that’s a whole other beast. When thinking about chasing and catching those ‘Big Age’ goals with other absent people, it can look like:

• A collaborator who never follows through. 
• That manager who sings your praises to all but never advocates for your promotion. 
• A client who “just loves your work” but you have to chase up on that invoice. 
• The mentor who shows up loudly when your success makes them look good.

If people keep showing you where you stand with them, believe them. And quickly chase that invoice and get paid-don’t mess with your money, now. But trust and then act. Trust what your gut is picking up on, even when your feelings want to offer more understanding than is deserved, and then act accordingly.

So, How Do You Pivot?

This is the part that matters. Because recognizing the pattern is only step one.

Here’s how you take action. Grab your power back and protect your progress:

1. Name What’s Happening Without Drama
   • No need to call anyone out or create a confrontation, unless that motivates you. But this lack of reciprocity and lopsided dynamic is a distraction you can no longer afford. Plus, it’s annoying as hell.
2. Create a Boundary
   • This doesn’t have to be loud. I mean it can be, but quiet or bold works. Go ahead and Google the dictionary definition of a boundary, but for me, it’s the consequence you implement, to protect yourself, once the disrespect shows. You can’t change someone else’s behavior or choice pattern; you can only change or control your response to it.
3. Stop Chasing
   • Clear enough. If they’re not available for you, quit making space for them. Reroute the energy you were pouring into them back into your goals.
4. Stop Proving
   • You don’t need to prove your worth and kindness by giving umpteen chances. There’s no gold medal for ‘being the one who always understands’.
5. Refocus on What You’re Building
   • This is the moment to double down on you. The project you paused. Ideas or business you’ve been circling around but not committing to. Instead of refreshing your inbox for a message that might never come, go send yourself one: Nothing to see here. Get back to it! Show up for yourself.

Choosing Yourself Is Your Big Age Move

We’re more than clued in at this phase in our lives when relationships, personal or business, drain us. Know what it feels like to bend over backwards for people who wouldn’t even stretch for you. You’re allowed and should step back. Say that it’s not working for you anymore and do it all without guilt. Don’t see it as selfish, hard or cold, but honest.

The Most Important Takeaway

You’ve got something to build, build it. If they always have a reason why they can’t support you, show up, respond, or invest the bare minimum into the relationship, that’s a pattern. That’s a choice they’ve made. Now it’s your turn to choose.

Pro Tip: When someone keeps leaving you on read (or ‘red’), leave yourself on delivered. Choose you this time. And the next. And the next.

Subscribe if you’re done making excuses for other people’s choices and ready to re-prioritize yourself.