The Core Truth vs The Convenient Distraction
We all know there’s a difference between truth and how people choose to frame it.
I’ve always rolled my eyes at the saying, “there are three sides to every story: his, hers, and the truth.” Because there’s only the truth, and then there’s people’s refusal to accept it, or their shame in facing it. And we’ve all been there, so no pointing fingers over here.
But with the latest horrific story that CNN broke about the online abuse academy, one that literally contains a warning before entering, it wasn’t just the story itself that got to me. It was the repeat shift in focus that pissed me off to no end. Sadly, there have been other equally disgusting stories, but this is the latest one, tap-dancing on my last nerve.
Why?
Because the focus pulled almost immediately from the harm, the victims and the potential victims, to a technicality.
The heated debate became: was it 62 million men or 62 million visits?
The fuck! Yeah, that’s where the energy goes.
It’s like saying, “wrong! She wasn’t hit by seven cars, she was hit by five!”
Okay, numbnuts… but she still got hit, right?
I watched more of it than I should have. Enough to see the same pattern play out over and over, with two clear sides.
The loud and proud “it wasn’t 62 million men!” crowd, versus the “is that really what you’re focusing on?!” crew—sitting somewhere between disbelief and exhaustion.
And yeah, I was firmly with the crew… just add vexation to the mix.
“62 million more reasons we choose the bear.” Women of Earth
The crowd managed five seconds—if that—acknowledging the unbelievable violence. The rest was spent carefully distinguishing “a person” from a “site visit.” Their takes refined the headlines, corrected them, broke them into pieces, as if precision could undo what had already happened.
And why?
Because the core truth is too disgusting to sit with.
So instead, the focus shifts.
Gaslighting isn’t always loud or obvious, but it is effective. And in this case, it wasn’t even subtle. This so-called “academy” was exposed as one of many. Many. And instead of sitting with that reality, the narrative was redirected almost immediately.
Yes, there is a difference between unique visitors, devices, and total visits. No one is arguing that. But how in tarnation does that pull you away from the purpose of the site and the volume of traffic it’s attracting?
Side note: that “62 million” whatever figure? That was for February. A slow month.
You didn’t think it could get worse, did you?
The Inevitable “But…”
That whole pointless back-and-forth got me thinking about past conversations. Debates, arguments, everyday clashes I used to engage in more often.
Because the pattern is always the same.
You present a valid point. Solid. Grounded. Backed by facts, context, whatever you need. The other person agrees, or at least sounds like they do, and then here it comes.
The “but.”
That one word is doing a shit-ton of work.
It minimizes.
It reframes.
And it shifts the conversation just enough that now you’re defending the edges instead of standing in the center of your entire, logical point.
And again, why?
Because it works.
Because they know you’ll fall into it, bury yourself even, and exhaust yourself doing it. The last thing you want to do is to be seen backing a lie of any kind. So the moment you’re off balance, your original point suddenly loses clarity. The obsession with a detail that will not (and does not) change the outcome, that’s a win for them.
So for the last time, why?
If correcting the detail doesn’t make something less harmful, less true, or less serious, then why is that where the focus goes?
Because it was never about accuracy. It’s about control.
And when they can’t change the obvious, they shift to you—make you question yourself. So now you feel crazy, look stupid, or both. You become the problem.
These days, I don’t argue points I know to be true. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. And yeah, I can be wrong at times, no doubt there. But I watch for the shift instead and internally, I question the intention behind it.
When the conversation purposefully moves away from the core truth and into something smaller, safer, and easier for someone else to handle, pay attention. That’s not accidental.
But don’t follow it there. Don’t join the crowd. Keep the focus exactly where it was meant to be.
