There’s that odd and uncomfortable space between your current life and the life you’re still chasing — and sometimes even between who you are and who you know you could be. And I don’t mean you’re ready to trade in your life as a GenXer, corporate baddie, whose kids are grown and almost flown, to become Dr. Jean Grey from Marvel. Able to read people’s minds or control their thoughts. While that does sound delicious, it’s not the direction I’m headed in. I’m talking about that gap, that itch for the ‘things’ you continue to want to grab a hold of and run with, to stop it from slipping away.
Let’s call it “the gap”, for ease.
The gap can feel both short and endless at the same time. It’s where you’re showing up to your day job while plotting your side project on the weekend. The stretch where your big dream has no proof of life beyond a notebook, a spreadsheet, or a cluster of half-formed voice memos. And in-between where years upon years later, you’re still paying bills. Making dinner and paying more bills. And running errands while also trying to figure out how to launch that thing that won’t stop tapping you on the shoulder. On top of even more bills.
And if you’ve been living with that dream for decades? The gap can feel like a bad joke. Tormenting you ‘With why is this taking so long’ and the more delicate sentiment of ‘Shit or get off the pot’. But the badass truth is, this space, this gap, is where you have to learn not to lose yourself, even when the finish line feels out of sight. Like ten stratospheres past Pluto, if my directions are right.
Why Reinvention in Your 40s, 50s, and Beyond Matters
If, like me, you’re a Gen Xer, or elder millennial — as I hear people refer to the over-40 crew, you’re probably stuck wondering, ‘Is it still worth it to keep going after, all this time?’ You’ve been talking about this, or that, idea for years. Maybe decades. And maybe you’ve even tried and stumbled more than once.
The answer is always YES!
Why? Because regret tastes worse the longer it sits, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. Letting a passion wither away hurts a lot more than the multiple stings from trying and missing the mark.
I’ve seen quotes and comments where people mention reframing the word failure, but I’m going to keep it as it is. But the failure to me, means not doing or trying. I might not make it all the way, (whatever “all the way” means), but I’ll land where I’m supposed to if I just keep going. This was never about hitting the jackpot on your first swing, or going viral overnight, or suddenly having the world discover your genius without warning. Those things are lottery wins, and sure, they come out of nowhere, but I’m not waiting on that.
Abandoning your gift, whether it’s writing, building, creating, teaching, designing, inventing, or whatever, is a heavy, yet quiet kind of betrayal. And in the long run, it only hurts one person: you.
Navigating Change After 40: Thriving, Not Just Surviving
We grew up with a map that no longer exists. The old rules of pick a path, stay the course, retire with a gold watch and a pension… packed all its crap up and left a long time ago.
So now, when you start something new in midlife, it can feel like breaking a contract you were forced under that was never actually signed. Or you’re continuing to “throw away” more time into an investment that might not pay off.
Years ago, I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine wanted to go back to school for a career change. She sighed thinking about it taking probably five years to complete and in five years she’d be 39. I replied, “Whether you do it or not, in five years, you’ll still be 39.” The question is, do you want to keep digging down with the same old shovel, or use it to carve out a brand-new path?
‘Time is gonna time’. It’s going to keep on moving, no matter what we do, or don’t do.
And yes, even in our Big Age, we can start again, and again and again.
5 Practical Steps to Thrive In the Gap Between Who You Are and Who You Want to Be
- Build a quiet defiance.
You don’t need to broadcast your every move. Sometimes our biggest power move and flex is to keep showing up by learning, creating, and experimenting. Share your progress with those who’ll cheer and downright push you on. And those who underestimate you or side-eye you, they’re fighting their own gap battles. Let them be. - Stockpile proof.
Keep a running record of every sign you’re moving forward. And celebrate all those small wins, too. That might be the first sale of your handmade product, the thank-you email from someone you helped, the subscriber who signed up because they loved your work, the workshop you taught, the connection you made at an event, the new skill you mastered. These little wins are like mile markers in the fog. They show you you’re still on the road, even when you can’t see or fully know the destination. - Find your fellow gap travelers.
They’re out there. Whether they’re in your industry or not, surround yourself with people who are also in motion. You’re writing a book; they’re growing produce for their first farmer’s market. You’re showing your art in a coffee shop; they’re launching a travel group overseas. It doesn’t matter the thing. You’re all in motion. Being around others who “get it” can turn a long stretch of uncertainty into a shared adventure on a shorter road. - Remember why you started and keep it visible.
Not your neat networking pitch. The messy, personal reason you can’t let go. The one that keeps tugging at you when you’re looking at the laundry wishing it would fold itself. Or stuck in traffic and thinking if you were Dr. Jean Grey how you’d mind-melt all these fools out your damn way.
Write it down. Make it a screensaver. Put it on a pinboard. Say it out loud. Because there will be days when you’ll forget. When it gets overlooked. And on those days, your “why” is the thing that will drag you back to it. - Accept that the gap is part of the story.
One day, this messy middle space you’re in, the trial-and-error, the weird detours, the quiet persistence — will be the part other people want to hear about. Not because it’s easy, but because you kept going anyway.
Embracing the Gap: Your Second Chapter, Your Way
You can’t control exactly when the gap ends or even what the ending will look like. But you can control whether you keep moving.
The gap isn’t the pause in your life. It is your life. Our life. And, if I say so myself, a good way to live it is to make it one you’re proud of, not one you keep beating yourself up wishing you’d started sooner.
Start Your Second-Chapter Reinvention Now
There was, nor is, a “right time” for most things. It’s already happening. Pick one small action toward your dream thing and do it today. Before you close your laptop or put down your phone.
